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Bombing interviews

I recently (as in today) had an interview for a job I was really hyping myself up for. The first stage went pretty well which helped boost my confidence a bit. For context, I got my first dev job in 2021 which I feel I kinda lucked out with as I didn't really get technical questions in the traditional sense and the guy interviewing me hadn't written a single line of code in his life.

Online interviews are also new for me. I have pretty extreme social anxiety and for some reason not being in the same room as the person I'm talking to really fucks with my nerves. I think I was trying to compensate for how anxious I was by talking as much as possible even though I had been planning for it pretty thoroughly the last few days. Every question I got sucked because my mind would just blank and I didn't want to just sit there without saying anything so I'd just ramble until anything came up. I think it would have helped if I told the interviewers about my anxiety and to ask me for clarification if what I say is a bit messy. Even when I'm not under pressure the way I talk is disjointed and I don't structure my thoughts very well which ends up with me throwing everything to the wall and seeing what sticks.

I guess this kind of thing just gets better with practice and I am super rusty but it is making me feel much worse than it should. I know it's not the end of the world but I just feel so stupid for not being able to control my thoughts when I know if I could just let myself think for a little longer I would have done much better.

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